Job Be Damned by Rishi Piparaiya

Job Be Damned by Rishi Piparaiya

Author:Rishi Piparaiya
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: null
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers India
Published: 2018-07-12T16:00:00+00:00

It seems like a lot of effort for the momentary pleasure of puffing on a cancer stick and doing this many times a day could even label you as a shirker. But what most people miss is that this entire routine involves a smoking buddy and imagine if that happens to be your boss. It’s rare to get this kind of quality time with him—shimmying to the coffee machine, intimately holding each other’s cigarettes, gossiping, giggling and even gargling together—it’s an incredible perception-boosting opportunity. And even if your boss doesn’t smoke, smoking in itself is excellent for your career. You can expect to kick the bucket many years before non-smokers, thereby getting out of this crappy rat race early. It’s a win-win situation.

Birthday Celebrations

Childish as they are, birthday celebrations are an integral part of corporate life. The team faithfully gathers in the canteen, sings as the birthday person blows out candles, smiles politely as the boss says a few words and then everyone has a slice of cake and leaves. It is a seemingly simple activity that doesn’t deserve a second thought but nothing could be further away from the truth. All birthday celebrations involve two critical activities that you should watch out for.

1.Cutting the cake: Once the birthday person has blown the candles and Happy birthday has been sung out of tune, it’s decision time. Who will cut the cake into pieces so that everyone can dig in? Cake cutting is a menial, thankless task and it shouldn’t matter who does it, as long as it’s not you. What is one even doing exactly—equitably divvying up a geometrical cake into the required number of slices? Indulging in this act screams that you are willing to take on useless responsibilities and as you cut so shall you reap. Subconsciously, everyone will consider you the team flunky who is to be loaded with the tasks that no one wants to do—crappy projects, printing and binding jobs, photo copying, etc. Leave the cake cutting to someone else and if no one makes a move, let it rot on that canteen table.

2.Smearing the cake: It is a waste of dessert but people smear a perfectly good slice of cake on the birthday person. Usually everyone looks to the boss to do the smearing; it’s least controversial and you should let him do the honours. But sometimes, seniors aren’t inclined to indulge in such juvenile activities. It’s then that you must grab the opportunity and a slice, and jump in to do the smearing. It’s instant recognition for you as the go-to guy who can get his hands dirty—literally and metaphorically.

However, if it’s your boss’s birthday, stay in the background as everyone looks around sheepishly for someone to coat his face with icing. And when no one steps forward, wait for the team lackey, as identified above, to start cutting the cake into equal slices.

The concept of not being the team loser applies not just to cake cutting but any other ‘office housework’ activity.


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